Im at strip club and am horny
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
we should paint friendship bongs
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
