Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
