So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
