Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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