Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
