I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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