Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
