how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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