One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
50% drunk capacity currently
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
