I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
