haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
