Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
