My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
