3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
