I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
