SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
