I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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