Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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