Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
