Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
