So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
