Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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