Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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