Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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