If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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