he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Too much gin, very little bucket
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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