I just saw a hot homeless man
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
