the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
