On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
