tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
