tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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