and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
