If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
