I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
