Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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