OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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