You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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