I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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