if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
