Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
