dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
