"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Houston, we have a blender
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
