You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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