Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
