walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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