This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
