They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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