when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
