i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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