Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
