There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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