I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
