Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
