Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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