The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
