I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
